Sunday, December 14, 2008
I slept until 4PM today. I was not out late nor drinking the night before. I just didn't want to stop dreaming. I've been having incredibly elaborate dreams this month and waking up is like walking out of a theatre into daylight. I can barely make out the shadows of the memories of the dreams while the waking world is already demanding my attention. Last night there was a dream within a dream. There was a song on the radio; an old radio from the 40's, and I'm listening to the words and noticing that it's a real song, not a song I know or a blurry song. I'm dreaming a song with ornate detail and clarity and words out of nothing. The dream within a dream aspect is just this; that I am in awe of the intricacy of a song within a dream while I'm still asleep and in the dream. I think, in the dream, how will I be able to remember this song and its lyrics when I awaken? Then I think, oh, it's on the radio. It must be an actual song. I don't have to remember it. Now, awake, I realize it most definitely was not an actual song. It was my creation. All I can recall are the words bells and rust and that it was a male/female duet. I should probably get out of bed when I first awaken in the morning. I don't think I'm supposed to be having such an involved dream-life. If I sleep more often I dream more often. My mind weaves epics. Dream logic creeps into my waking life more frequently. I suspect I'm saying atypical things and noticing less literal aspects of what unfolds before me. Even the idea that it's unfolding vs. being dictated by me is worth noting. I feel more removed than I used to when I'm awake; more self-aware but from camera two, rather than from camera one aka me and my senses. When I was an addict and wouldn't sleep for 5 days in a row, I started seeing dreamlike things in the real world. I theorize that my mind was going to get it's daily dose of dreaming in whether or not I actually slept. Conversely I think that sleeping and dreaming more often has brought more literal qualities to my dream life.