Sunday, July 12, 2009

Ben & Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk is a Bullshit Flavor

Being a fan of Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche and even more so their Caramel Cone I knew I was taking a risk with this Ben & Jerry's Triple Caramel Chunk but it was two for six bucks and damn, it had the word triple in it. The top says: Caramel Ice Cream with a Swirl of Caramel & Fudge Covered Caramel Chunks. That's some no nonsense talk for ice cream. It says the word caramel three times. So I bought two, even though I could have bought just one for three bucks. But I was so convinced of the awesomeness that I figured hell I'll get two. It's gotta be deadly shit. Haagen Dazs always has a picture of the ice cream on the label. They're good people. Been around since the '20s. Most people think it's a foreign company. Nope. It was started by a kid in the Bronx who gave it a "wordly" name. Ben & Jerry's Ice Creams have no photo of their product. Just some zany cartoons and upside down cows and shit. This one had animated swirls and chunks cavorting in a caramel psycho swirl. Crazy Vermont stoners. I should have known better. Besides I hate Phish. The band and the "phood." Phooey.

So I open up the Triple Caramel Chunk, excited to get a look at this Caramel Ice Cream with a Swirl of Caramel & Fudge Covered Caramel Chunks. I thought it was a bad sign when the first thing I saw was all white. Okay. Maybe the action starts beneath the surface. But no. This ice cream is a lie. First of all, if that's caramel ice cream, then I've been mistaken all these years in thinking that caramel is a rich, sweet, viscuous substance that is the heroin of sweets. Apparently Ben and Jerry's thinks it is somewhat vanilla but leans Elmer's glue. Where were the swirls of caramel? I looked at the container again. Ohhhhhhh.... "a swirl of caramel." Yeah I see it. It's about an inch long. Okay. Oh shit what's that... it looks like a roach. It must be a fudge covered caramel chunk! Then why does it taste like semi-sweet ass?

Hello! Anybody home? Are you the caramel ice cream? I'm looking for a swirl of caramel & fudge covered caramel chunks I heard lived here. Nope. Not in here. Move along now. Nothing to see.

Truth in packaging.

4 comments:

Wandering Allyn said...

Hi - this is really funny. I had a very similar experience with this ice cream. I like a lot of the others, but this one, nah. thanks for the like-minded humor!

Wednesday's Korner said...

You can complain to them.

Anonymous said...

Sooooo.... can I get the other pint?

Scott said...

One time I got B&J's S'mores flavor, and I swear to God that it didn't even have one graham cracker in it. I called to let them know about my dissatisfaction. Their customer service was excellent, friendly, and apologetic. They sent me a bunch of coupons for free ice cream.